Pookie Doodle

Dear Gracen,

You're lying here beside me in bed for your rest time. We have been doing pedicures for the last half hour, and your toes are now sporting a lemon yellow on your left and Carolina blue on your right. I'm solidly blue, but this was not your vote. You had hoped I would alternate the colors, which gazing upon them now, would have been a better decision. I need to break out of my little box of conformity every now and then. Next time.

So, you're four. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Yesterday was your last day of school, and I found myself on the brink of tears all day. Somehow you've managed to get through two years of preschool already, and it catches my breath every so often as I feel the time slipping by us so quickly. Try as I might, I just can't seem to slow it down.

Though I don't understand how it's possible, I adore you even more than I did yesterday. You still sneak into bed with your Daddy and me most nights. Now that we have the kittens (who are determined to sleep on top of me, even though I'm the only one in the house allergic to them and the only one not particularly excited about getting them in the first place), you have to play and discuss their cuteness for a good 20 minutes before falling back to sleep. It cracks you up that they play chase with your covered up toes every single time, every single night. Sometimes you just stay awake until the sun starts peaking out, and you get up to entertain yourself in the other part of the house with the kittens and dogs. I don't know what you do for those hours before we crawl out of bed, but you seem to enjoy it (sometimes a lot of paint is involved), and you only come to get us me when you get really hungry or you decide a little television is necessary.

You're just so grown up now. We talk about everything. You're very interested in religion, mostly Christianity, but we're trying to introduce the concepts of other ones, like Buddhism and Hinduism. We want you to be able to intelligently explore spirituality and feel comfortable and empathic towards people from all walks of life. You really like the idea of reincarnation, but you want your name to still be Gracen if you come back again. You think you may want to be a kitten. Death is a frequent conversation, especially in regards to Grandpa Ronny and Gaga. You wonder about the logistics of how we'll see them again if there really is a Heaven out there. You wonder if they'll recognize you, even though they haven't met you. I tell you they will and am certain it's true. You've started asking about sex, specifically about "how does the baby get in there?" I try to change the subject since I haven't figured out how to explain that one with grace just yet.

You love your sister beyond my greatest expectations. Both of you play so well together, and you'd really rather be together than anywhere else. Sometimes you laid out of school just so you could stay home and be with her instead. You protect her, snuggle with her, and try to cheer her up if she cries. I knew you'd be good at this big sister gig, but truly, you are amazing, and we're so proud of you.

You have decided that you don't want to ever drive, you never want to get married, and you'll never move out, even if we make you go to college. I'm fine with this. You can stay here forever sweet girl.

Love you forever,

Mama

Back to Reality...

When we dropped the G off at school this morning, we were on time. This means, sadly, that we were at the peak of traffic in the parking lot. Right about the time we make the turn into the entrance from the parking lot, Ave stumbles, and with her fall she takes my skirt with her. All the way to the ground. I turn around and see no less than 30 people behind me, smiling awkwardly. As I tried to pull it up, since my butt was hanging out and all, I realize it is stuck under Ave's fallen knees. I jerked it up anyway, only to yank the poor kid from a knee fall to a face plant. I'm pretty sure I racked up all sorts of cool points with the other mothers. The up side to this is that it may have fallen down so easily because I shed a few extra pounds since wearing said skirt last fall. So, I win I think. I'm guessing, however, that we'll be picking the big kid up a wee bit early so I can avoid eye contact with people. Friday is the last day of school, so I won't have to hide for long.

The trip to San Francisco was incredible. Ronny Mac was quite the host. And all of us almost got along the whole time. I'm excited about going back again. I forgot how much I love that city. Next time, we'll take the little people. It's not fair to keep them away from such a great spot and such an excellent uncle. There are tons of pics up on Picasa for your viewing pleasure!

So weaning. Yeah. About that. She didn't so much dig that idea. She was fine without while I was gone, but reminded me pretty quickly when I got back. And when someone as cute as that says, "Meeze, Mamamama, noooo?" (please, mama nurse?), it's really, really, really, really hard to say no. And so I said fine, one more time. And I've said that eight times now.

San Francisco, Baby!!

My Mama is here. Life is shockingly better with my mother around. The babies, who have been hyper-clingy lately, are finally letting me walk from one room to the next without holding one of them. Ghi-ghi now gets the honor. Soon, her right bicep will be as buff as mine.

Like the new burfday present to the girlies from Ghigh?!!! I've been pining for one of these bike trailer/double strollers since we moved to Austin, as one must bike if living here. I'll be able to take the babies to school and to the grocer in this bad boy!!! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it!!!!

Tomorrow, she and I will board a plane to San Francisco, where we'll meet up with Belle from the ATL, and be picked up by baby bro. We're spending the week there, letting Ronny Mac guide us through his city. I'm excited and slightly sad. This will be the longest I've been without the girls and the longest Adam has had them on his own. All will be fine; of this I am sure.

This is going to be our "official" weaning trip for Ave and me. She's cut down on nursing tremendously lately, especially in the last week. I'm hoping that this tapering will be enough that I won't have to deal with crazy hormones that make me cry for a week straight (like last time) or cause engorgement, which is kind of fun (in an OH-MY-WORD-CHECK-OUT-THE-'GIRLS' sort of way) but painful. My goal was to nurse her for two years, and we'll only be a week shy of that. I believe strongly in the benefits of extended breastfeeding and am proud of us for going this far with it. I'm also ready to let go of it, and I feel confident that she's at a point now (finally!) that she'll be able to let go of it with minimal trauma/drama. Two months ago, I would not have been so sure. I fully expect some tears from both of us, but with some good distractions (yay for kittens!), I think the transition will be smooth enough. So tomorrow morning, I'll be nursing this little baby one last time, knowing that this part of my maternal life is forever closing. S'okay. I'll just cry a little bit.

Gracen has assured me that she'll take care of Avie and Daddy while I'm gone. I'm pretty confident in her skills.

This is taking up all of our time...

World, meet Bebo (formerly Rainbow, but Ave can't say Rainbow) and Jack (in honor of the closing seasons of 24 and Lost). These are the most tolerant, loving cats in the history of the world. We hope they survive our love. Seriously.

I don't even know where to begin, yet again. I'm not sure how I've gone nearly three months with no posting. Distractions. Lots of them.

Distraction #1: Mama is officially looking for a job. I suppose it's time to break out that barely used Masters, and get myself in gear. I'm having a tough time with the whole process, if I'm being honest. I don't really want to go back to work yet. I don't know how much of it is my need to stay close to my girls and how much is just lost confidence for my career path. I love counseling, but I'm so far removed from it at this point that the idea of jumping back into it full time scares the crap out of me. There are a few part-time opportunities that I'm waiting to hear back about. It's the waiting that's getting to me. If I just knew I was going to be working in the fall, I could go ahead and wrap my head around it and get excited about it. I don't do well with not knowing, waiting.

Distraction #2: In order to keep my work study at the yoga studio, I have to practice at least 3 times a week. It's hot and long, and I have no energy to type by the end of the night. It is very much increasing my desire to start a teacher training program as soon as time and finances will allow for it.

Distraction #3: This little monkey is FOUR, as of May 9th. She'll have her own post coming soon.

Distraction #4: This little nut has got to learn to hold a dang cat appropriately. I spend hours everyday patrolling her affection. It's exhausting.

Distraction #5: Gardening in central Texas is a colossal pain in the butt. There are a lot of bugs. Lots and lots and lots and lots of bugs. This will also have its own post soon so you might see the grand transformation of our backyard.

And I'll leave you with a little video of some cuteness...

Snowday

We most certainly did not expect to see the white stuff here. We've had some flurries in the past month or so, but even those were shockers to the natives. We ended up yesterday with actual accumulation. Probably not even an inch, but we'll count it. The pictures are from towards the end of the day when much had melted.

Here's Adam, hitting the babies with snowballs.

Avery, accepting the assault like a trooper.

Gracen, getting back at him.

The babies, laid out in their pathetic glory, have been superstars considering we've had a week of fevers, ranging from 101.6-104.6. As fun as the snow is, I'm ready for spring to wipe out the flu, and stomach bugs, and colds, and grossness.

I will never be a photographer. See?

This post was supposed to have been blogged well over a week ago. I forgot to finish. Shocking. I've been distracted with a household of FLU. Pardon me while I lose my mind and dose the family on another round of Motrin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I took Gracen to her first Princess birthday party Saturday. While we were there, Adam and Avery went on a hike. We're going to try and make individual dates with our children a priority. It's good for everyone. Friday, I realized what a slack mother I was, as I had never bought my child actual dress up clothes other than second hand Halloween costumes. We dress up, but we use our playsilks. They work great for creativity, but for a princess party, one needs a genuine costume, so I'm told. We ended up going as Belle because the Cinderella dresses were sold out. She was gorgeous and glamorous and so very excited...

...Until she saw Cinderella, the beautiful lady who was there with games and gifts and party fun. No, my child, didn't like the princess. She clung to me, buried her face in my chest, refused to make eye contact with anyone or anything except the strawberries and donut holes, a treat I've never introduced but clearly should have. By the final 20 minutes, she came out of her shell and played with the boys in the back room who were also ignoring Cinderella.

She's been planning out her birthday party since. When I asked her what she'd like to have for a party, she said, "I fink maybe Cinderella can come over."

I bent down to touch my toes and while I was there...

January Disappeared.

Somehow, January seems to be over. I feel like I've been acutely engaged in my life these days, so I'm not sure how I missed it, but there it is/was. It was a pretty grand month.

I would like to formally report that I have kicked my New Year's Resolution's boo-tay. After a decade of insomnia and/or drug induced sleep, I am now sleeping a solid eight hours a night. I know. Weird. We really have Dr. Wu and his needles and Chinese herbs to thank for this. I started acupuncture New Year's Eve, and within a week and a half was sleeping like a normal person. It's odd. I get sleepy, I lie down, and I fall asleep within a couple of minutes. I know this doesn't sound like much, but it's blowing my mind!!

I've also been on a big Yoga kick, though Bikram this time, rather than my usual Ashtanga style. Basic gist: 105 degrees, 50% humidity, 90 minutes, lots of people in very little clothing. It doesn't smell pretty, but it makes me feel like a superstar. I'll expand on this later. I can't afford to go as much as I like, but I'm on a wait list for their work study program: 2 hours of studio cleaning=unlimited yoga. I probably have to wait for the UT students to go home for the summer in order to get a spot, though I'm hoping some get overly stressed out with their studies and leave sooner.

These little monkeys are awesome. Avery is FINALLY starting to repeat everything we say. She's been pretty slow with her speech until the past week or two and now doesn't shut up. Gracen doesn't either, so things are pretty loud around here. When we put them to bed, we hear Gracen going through Avery's linguistic repertoire and making her say all of her words, which Ave obliges. It's hilarious. Our favorite words at the moment are onion and Elmo.

I've missed you!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Happy Salad

Spring mix

Dried cranberries

"Cutie" tangerines

Unsweetened coconut

Avocado

Roasted pumpkin Seeds

Parmesan

Poppy seed Dressing

ghigh

As usual, I've waited too long between posts, and I have too much to say that I'll never get around to writing here. Our Christmas break came and went at an alarming speed. We stayed in town, and family came from all over the country to visit--Mama, Annie, Ronny Mac, Sabrina and Bryan. Adam's parents would have been here as well, but the snow trapped them on their mountain. We're hoping they make use of those tickets soon!!

I couldn't have asked for a better way to spend the holiday. Family makes me feel centered and grounded and normal, and I hate that we all live so far apart that we don't get that connection often enough.

Tomorrow morning, Mama leaves after spending the past two weeks with us. I'm thinking it's good that she's leaving before the girls wake up because it would not go over well. She dared to leave to go to a movie last night, and Gracen fell to the ground screaming for her for a good long while. Dropping Annie at the airport was also an ugly event. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to function without Mama here. I have become dependent and spoiled and simply prefer to have her around. Making it even harder is not knowing when we'll be seeing her again. I'm going to quit writing about it because it just makes me sad.

It's probably time for another list, eh? That whole New Year thing is probably a good opportunity for that:

1. Sleep 8 hours a night. I started to going to acupuncture last week for sleep/fatigue/weight issues. I'm also taking Chinese herbs 3 times a day and doing ear acupuncture treatments eight times a day. So far I'm falling asleep easier without the use of drugs, and I've lost 2 lbs. I also gained 6 over the holiday =)

That's it. I really think all else will fall into place once this little issue has been resolved. Let's keep it simple.

Photo above: Ghighi and Gracen from the back deck at our house at sunset.

the ones that you won't see on the holiday card

Christmas, Solstice, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, New Year, Holiday cards are going out this week. Hopefully, I have your address because it would be a damn shame to miss out on this cuteness.

I'll try to write more tomorrow. Mama needs to go night night.

Reunited

Therapize Thyself

(Gracen and I gave each other pedicures.)

Lately I've been spending a lot of time thinking about my life. I have a tendency to think in terms of "big picture," rather than day-to-day. As much as I want to, and do, scream CARPE DIEM from the rooftops, I more often seize onto daily ruts and then get in the routine of ruts. This is not to say that I'm in a funk and not enjoying my life; on the contrary, I get too wrapped up in other things, namely my children, that I blow off tasks that would lead me towards my long term goals. And due to some unfortunate sleeping issues, I'm just too tired to have the initiative to get everything done that needs to be done. If I had some Ambien to get me to sleep at a respectable hour and some Ritalin to organize my profoundly unfocused mind, I might be able to get it together. But, I want to do this the natural way at this point, even though the pharmacological route sounds a heck of a lot easier and probably more fun.

So in good counselor fashion, I made a list of the things I want to accomplish (for me) on a daily basis (some of which will lead me towards my desired bigger picture and some that will just keep the mountain of Harley hair off the kitchen floor) and started processing how I could make those things happen. Here's a sampling from the list:

1. Take a daily shower and wear my hair down at least 4X a week. Some of you may get how hard that can be these days. I may even slap on some chapstick and mascara.

2. Walk Gracen to school--guaranteed 4.5 miles of exercise 3X a week.

3. Daily yoga. I'm a much happier and healthier person when I practice regularly. I still want to go through yoga teacher training in the next couple of years, so it would probably be a good idea for me to be able to touch my toes again soon. I'll give myself a few months before trying to stick them over my head again.

4. Write daily. I always talk about wanting to write, maybe start freelancing, but something always takes precedence--probably napping or laundry or screaming little people.

5. Keep an organized and clean house. We all function better in tidiness.

6. Read more books.

7. Go to bed before 11PM--or even 12 at this point.

Ultimately, a very detailed schedule was born, and I'm on Day 2 of following it. So far, the G has been walked to school, I'm sore from yoga, my house is in relative order, and here I am blogging. I'll keep you posted on how it's going. For now, it just feels good to be doing something for me.

Babies in a Bucket

Gracen is officially a preschool dropout. No worries because she started a new one immediately. The church preschool in our neighborhood had an opening, and we were able to get her in last week. It has been an amazing transformation for the little princess. We knew she wasn't happy at the old school, but for a long time assumed it was just the transition of moving away from home. I'm sure that factored in to it, but she just wasn't improving. She would beg not to go in the mornings, cling to me at drop-off, and still had no idea what her teachers' names were. After repeatedly catching them calling her the wrong name and after a very traumatic Halloween parade, we were done. I'm sure the old school is great for some kids, but Gracen just needs a smaller environment with the same teachers all day.

This new school is great. She gets to eat lunch there and use her old lunchbox from Beff's school. She still really, really, really misses Beth, preschool teacher and babysitter extraordinaire. But she's already showing signs of loving these teachers too, and she's just so happy all the time now. She's excited to go and talks school all the time when she's not there. And we get to walk there!

The only real problem we have now is that Avery is getting sad about leaving Gracen at school. They are hopelessly attached to each other these days.

Getting ready to take off for school!!

Avery trying to entertain herself while sis is off being educated.

The Grouchy Ladybug and the Cowardly Lion

I have been informed that my blog is depressing.  I might be married to the informant.  I'll pep it up.

So Austin and Halloween.  I'm not even sure what to say about it other than these people are insane.  I had no idea Halloween could be every bit as festive as Christmas.  We live on a particularly lively street, apparently.  Families toted their small ones in wagons, which doubled as a traveling cooler of parental libations.  The houses were decked out with orange lights, skeleton flamingos, graveyards, giant spiders in giant webs, life-size talking ghosts, window "scenes," complete haunted houses.  The street was swarmed, much like Bourbon or Franklin streets on Halloween.  These people know how to party.

Uncle Paul came and passed out fancy chocolates and fruit, his favorite tradition in this home and the only thing he was reluctant to give up when he handed the house over to us.  It gave us a chance to go as a full family unit to roar at neighbors and beg for candy.  Matt and Tess joined us and were likewise blown away by the flamboyance of the occasion.  People flocked from other neighborhoods, and were still showing up past 10PM.  I wish I had taken more pictures, but was too in shock to think about photographic posterity.

We spent last week back in North Carolina.  It was too grand of a trip to try and cram into this post, but I'll report more later after I steal everyone else's photos.  We forgot the camera, of course.

I'll leave you with another little dancing video from the other day, as the girls were boogying to their Uncle Ronny Mac in the background.

Dos Mesas

Dear Girls,

We have been here for two whole months.  We are doing all we can to fill our days to help us forget how much we miss home.  Most days we're pretty successful.  Others, like today, kick our ass and remind us that we're very far away from the security and comfort of our former life.

And it was an uneventful day, really.  We went to a playgroup.  The neighborhood kids came over to play.  We took a walk.  We played with playdough that you made yourselves.   We Skyped with Ghi-ghi.  Even in the fullness, we just seemed out of sorts and sad today.  Gracen, you cried for every possible reason the universe and your blooming vocabulary could verbalize.  Avery, you cried because Gracen cried and because you keep running into things or falling off of things.  And I cried because you two cried, and I often feel lost in knowing how to fix you or to comfort you.  There was a lot of laughter and play today too.  I think I would define this as a "good" day, technically, in spite of the tears, but it was one that just gave a little tap on the shoulder to say, "Yeah, you left a good life, and you're right to miss it."  Hopefully it misses us back a little.  We left playgroup today in a fit of tears.  Gracen, when you were able to get words out in between sobs, all you could say was that you wanted to go to Walker's house.  Me too, kid.

We love Austin.  I couldn't let myself use that word for a little while.  I like it.  It's fine.  It'll do for a while.  But frankly, and annoyingly, there's nothing not to love about this city.  Here's a list to help your Mama get some gratitude perspective after today:
~~Playgrounds are everywhere.  They're at restaurants, grocery stores, shopping malls, and the endless supply of parks.
~~People bike everywhere--to work, to eat, to play.
~~Everyone seems to exercise outdoors, whether they're 19 or 91.  Many did this while it was still 106 outside daily, but the cooler weather has brought out the masses.  I can't even count the number of people passing our house during the day on their daily jog, walk or ride.
~~It is expected that you take your own bags to the grocery store.  They usually ask for those before asking 'paper or plastic'.
~~We have babysitters and dogsitters.
~~We've joined a Meetup.com playgroup that will be good as soon as we've spent more time together.  Newness is tough.
~~Adam and I are each going out for Boys' Night and Girls' Night weekly with people we really like.
~~The restaurant options are unbelievable, as are the movie theaters (Alamo Drafthouse, in particular).
~~Festivals, festivals, festivals, festivals.
~~You can go to a bar and play Chicken Shit Bingo with a real live chicken.
~~Everyone is really, really, really nice.
~~Most days, you girls are really happy.
~~Your daddy and I love each other more than ever.
~~Daddy works from home, so he can come up to check in whenever.  And he no longer commutes an hour and a half a day, so we can sit down as a family for at least two meals a day.
~~The house is awesome.

Last week, with our new playgroup, I took you to Kiddie Acres, an amusement park for children under 10.  It was old, rusty, creaky, small, with real live ponies.  If you ever actually make it to a Disney World or Carowinds or even Dollywood, you may just die.  Because you almost did over a dilapidated flying airplane with rusted chain seat belts.  I'm sorry that you two ever have to be anything other than blissful, like you were all that day.  I'll do the best I can, but will guarantee you that I won't be perfect.  But I will love you completely and will give you all I've got.

Love,
Mama

painting and peanut butter pops

 

Security

So, I'm a little freaked out by some of the sicko comments a friend has experienced on her blog lately. It is a family blog just like ours, one that seems like a safe place to share stories and pictures from our lives. I'm not going to expand, but let's just say that there are some disturbing people in the world.

I have now taken this blog off of the Blogger listings as well as Google searches and will not allow anonymous comments. I'm trying to decide if I'm going to make this site completely private and accessible by invite only, start a new blog altogether or just go in and rework the entire thing by eliminating specific information. I'll need to talk to the boy about it. But if it shows up as "invite only" in the next week and you haven't received an email from me giving you access, just let me know that you want to remain a reader, and I'll add you to the list (even if we don't "know" each other).

Poop?

I'm listening to Avery playing around in her crib while her big sister has already fallen asleep for the night. This is totally out of order. I'm pondering over whether it is because she has taken a huge dumpage in her pants or if it is the result of a nap taken too late in the day. If it's the former, I should go deal with it. If it's the latter, I should ignore. If it's the former, and I choose to ignore unknowingly, we'll be dealing with a very ugly diaper rash come morning that will haunt us for at least four days. And now silence. Perhaps I'll sneak in for a sniff. How is it that a normal part of my life is smelling someone's butt 10 times a day?

The Dootster.

Tomorrow I get on a plane all by myself for the first time in my life.  And I will be going to see the girls that I first ever got on an airplane with back in 1995.

Our little Hannah is getting married, so the ladies are congregating on Wrightsville Beach, and we will be celebrating the bachelorette.  I haven't started packing yet, but considering I am only having to organize for myself, I should be fine.

The babies will be with their Daddy for FOUR WHOLE DAYS.  And we live in Texas, so the boy is alone on this one.  He'll be fine.  It is just four days after all.  Maybe give him a call an check in, eh?  I'll be busy on the beach.

I could care less what the weather will be like this weekend.  I'm going to be with my ladies, and that's all I really need. 

The new roof is on the house, and we finally have some peace around here.  I'll take pictures soon.  Much love to all...

See you next week!!!

                                                                                                              

Okie-Dokie.

Happy Friday!

THIS SPOT RIGHT HERE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A VIDEO THAT I'VE BEEN ATTEMPTING TO UPLOAD FOR 12 HOURS.  PRETEND THAT YOU SEE TWO VERY CUTE GIRLS DANCING TOGETHER.

The only thing we've accomplished today was $189 trip to the grocery store.  And I went without using my new GPS unit.  

A few words about navigational systems: There is absolutely no reason to live without one, especially if your husband drags the familial ass cross country to start up new housekeeping.  It is, frankly, because of this gadget that I've been out and about Austin with as much confidence as I've had.  If you know me, this won't come as a shock to you, but I don't typically enjoy doing things on my own.  I have a constant fear of getting lost or turning down a one way street or, God forbid, that it may start raining while I'm in the car or that an 18-wheeler might dare to pass me.  There's just something about having that woman's voice in the car with me, guiding me through a city I would otherwise be hopelessly lost in, that gives me that little boost to get out of our PJs by 10AM and out the front door.  

Yes, I recognize that this would be much more entertaining with the video.  I'm working on it.