tarhorns and longheels: July 2008

Gracen has become quite the kitchen helper. Her favorite recipe is, by far, granola bars. We never make them the same way twice, so feel free to take creative license based on what you have in the cabinet or what your toddler feels like dumping. The amounts don't need to be particularly exact, so no worries if your child feels like spooning out a teaspoon of sugar or handful of craisons for a mini taste test.

Today's creation...

Preheat oven to 350 F

Mix together dry ingredients:
2 C. rolled oats
1/2 C. whole wheat flour
1/2 C. wheat bran
1/4 C. flax seeds
1/4 C. chopped pecans
1/4 C. salted sunflower seeds
1/2 C. craisons
1/4 C. shredded coconut
1/4 C. brown sugar
1 tsp (or whatever Gracie shakes) pumpkin pie spice

In another bowl mix:
2 eggs
1/2 C. veggie oil
1/2 C. honey (just observed that if you pour your oil from the measuring cup followed by the honey, the honey slips right out without having to scrape (or lick) out)
1 tsp. vanilla

Pour wet mixture over dry and stir (or mix with hands if your child prefers). Line a 9X13 pan with wax paper, spray with cooking spray or whatever you have, dump mixture onto pan and press to edges.

Bake for 25 minutes, more or less depending on your oven.

After baking, gently slide from pan onto cooling rack. Slice with pizza cutter while still slightly warm.

You'll thank me for this, as will your kiddies!!

Gracen,

You are lying in bed crying at the moment. You have a scratch on your elbow from a couple of days ago, which is feeling absolutely fine. I made the mistake of taking notice of it when I put you down for your nap, and now, through tears and walls, you are explaining to me how you need some ice and a towel to make it feel better since it hurts soooo bad. You learned the ice trick when you recently stuck your index finger into a freshly poured bowl of cream of wheat, and now any heat (lukewarm included) or tiny scratches or bumps are getting a passionate plea for ice therapy. I will not cave, though I'm sure all of your points are completely valid.

Since I started this blog almost two years ago, I've been planning on writing you notes to help us remember these phases of our lives. Obviously, until now, I have not done so. I've been reading various friends' and professionals' blog letters to their kids, and I'm always so moved. And then I think to myself, Damn, I really need to start writing you letters. Today I read a monthly letter from my friend Courtney (who is due any second now) to her daughter Charlie. After making me cry, it really got me thinking back to those last weeks with you before Aves. I spent a lot of time worrying about letting go of the security of our little world that we've had here together for two years. I worried that I would never be able to love another person the way I loved you, worried that you'd hate me and your daddy for rocking your world with another little life, worried that you'd want nothing to do with your sister, worried that I'd miss "us" so badly that I wouldn't be able to appreciate what our life was to become, worried that I wouldn't know what the hell I was doing.

But you, my sweet girl, have made this the most perfect phase of my life. Yes, I'm exhausted and sometimes cranky, but I'm also completely happy. You barely even seemed to notice that our world turned upside down with Avery's arrival. You just accepted her presence, and you love her completely. You give her pacies when she needs them, you sing her lullabies when she cries, you hug her and kiss her whenever you can. You don't like for strangers to hold her, often saying, "No, Avey back Mommy!" And you point very dramatically, so they know just where I am. And though I never thought possible, I love you even more now than I did back then in the midst of my worries.

You are hopelessly hilarious, even through (and often because of) your temper tantrums. You have a very specific sense of order and routine. Your daddy, for example, is not allowed to sit in Mama's seat at the dinner table without you falling apart and begging for him to move one seat over and vise versa. You separate your Kashi cereal into alike pieces and make little rows of them before eating them. You finally like to eat. It has taken 2 years and the emergence of peanut butter in your life. You have potty trained yourself in the last couple of weeks, with your parents doing nothing but leaving your diaper off and bathroom door open. You usually wash your hands without being asked. We went on a hike last weekend, and you let us know that you wanted to go pee-pee. So you squatted, rather gracefully, in the middle of the trail and proceeded to take a grand poo. You were so proud. And this weekend while at your Mimi and Papa Jim's while playing with your cousins, I looked across the yard at you and there you were with diaper off, pants at your ankles, squatting and peeing. You did not even ask for help. Yes, my little love, you absolutely rock.

Love,
Mama

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Avery,

You, my little Roo, are asleep in your crib. In your almost seven weeks of life, this is your third time there. During the day, you sleep pressed against me in your carrier, though we've been having occasional snoozes in your chair. At night you sleep beside me, nuzzled to my side. You don't wake for your feedings. You wiggle and grunt, and I feed you through partial sleep. This is the most well-rested I have been in nearly a year. At some point, you are going to have to move out into your room, or at least into a co-sleeper, but right now, I'm just still busy soaking you up, and I'm not ready to let go of the closeness.

I still can't believe you're almost seven weeks old. But at the same time, I've already forgotten what life was like before you. And any irrational fears about my ability to equally love two children were thrown out the window the second they put your plump little body into my arms. I can still stare at you for hours and tear up with happiness. You have made our family complete, and I can't wait to watch you grow.

I wrote out your birth story weeks ago, but had the misfortune of having it erased. Stupid technology. I will work on it again and soon, before I start to forget the details.

You have recently started to smile. They are still infrequent, but powerful when they're there. And I think you have dimples. You stare at your sister more than anyone, and my hope is that you'll love her the way I love my big sis and little bro. You have started tapering off on your evening crying spells for which we are thankful. It's so hard to hear you be so miserable, especially when we can do nothing to help. You are eating well, but spitting up often, and I wonder how you are possibly going to grow when I have three ounces of curdled breast milk rolling down my back or into my cleavage. But you do grow. At your one month check, you were 11 lbs 2 oz and 24 inches long. You're not even on their growth charts! And though you are technically ginormous for your age, you still seem so small and completely perfect. I love you so much.

Love,

Mama